Эксперт «Суперняни» предупредила родителей: не воспитывайте детей, считая их важнее всех остальных

Supernanny host Jo Frost has given parents a stern warning that she says is ‘worth listening to’. In a recent Instagram post, the parenting expert says that while she knows ‘your child is special to you,’ parents need to ensure they are not ‘teaching them that they’re more special than anyone else’. She says children who are raised to believe this will ‘struggle’ as they grow up. In the social media video, Jo claims this is something she sees, and asks parents: ‘Do you teach them how to lose a game? Do you teach them how to accept someone else’s imaginary game at recess, even when it’s not their idea? Do you teach your child how to listen like every other child being asked to line up at school?’ And lastly, ‘Do you teach your child how to be sociable?’ Because, according to the supernanny, parents are letting down their kids if they aren’t. ‘I’m seeing children struggling in school with others, not because they’re not capable, but because they haven’t been taught how to function alongside their own peers,’ she continues. The TV star says kids don’t know how to take turns, wait and not always be in control. She adds: ‘Your child is special to you, but the moment we start teaching them that they are more special than anyone else, we’re going to be setting them up to struggle big time.’ Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. ‘Life doesn’t work like that,’ she emphasises. This is where parents come in, she says, urging them to let kids lose in games, make sure they take turns and ensure that they have patience. ‘Loving your child is a given, but doesn’t mean removing the lessons they need.’ By teaching them, they will be ‘more confident and capable and secure in the world around them,’ Jo outlines. In the Instagram caption, she goes on to say that this ensures children will understand that other people matter, as well as themselves. And parents who are raising kids to think they are more special than others ‘won’t serve them well in the real world’. She ends the post by asking, ‘Are you working on that parents? Jo x’ ‘Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child,’ commented @kaisa1974. ‘This is such an important message. My children have ASD and ADHD. I’ve never allowed this to make them feel any different from anybody else. I’ve spent many tough years teaching them how to cope with losing a game when they toss the board up, how to wait in a queue when they want to run off and how to follow other games they haven’t thought up themselves. Being consistent is key,’ wrote @lisa.waitwright.509 ‘My children deal with life like everybody else and don’t ever use their condition to justify their mistakes. Those tough years paid off.’ ‘As a teacher, I see this every day. It’s sad that these children are failing because their parents don’t want to hurt their feelings,’ added @jenn_olives. But some pointed out that it isn’t always as simple as it might seem, especially with children who have extra needs. On the same video on Facebook, Victoria Briggs pointed out that ‘great advice for neurotypical children but I know my AuDHD [Autism and ADHD] grandson really struggles with some of this (although with good parenting he is getting better).’ Similarly, Yvonne Vieira said: ‘What about autistic children who lose temper easily and are physically aggressive or outwardly aggressive with things?’ Ethan Antram asked: ‘But how do the parents know what to teach them? Is there a checklist out there?’ Parenting specialist Kirsty Ketley, who has more than 30 years’ experience working with young children and their families, says, ‘I think there is an important distinction between telling a child they are special and teaching them that they are more important than other people. ‘So while Supernanny isn’t inherently wrong, those two things are not the same.’ She tells Metro children need to know that they are loved, valued and special to their parents, because their sense of security is important. ‘The problem comes when that message becomes, consciously or otherwise, “because you are special, your needs should always come first.”’ Children are still learning how to navigate a world that doesn’t revolve around them, and it takes practice,’ she says. ‘A child can still have a voice; they can still question something and have their feelings acknowledged, but they need to while still understanding that other people have feelings and boundaries too.’ Kirsty’s advice Saying ‘no’ ‘I think parents can sometimes worry that saying “no”, enforcing a boundary or asking their child to compromise will damage their confidence. But actually, they can do both: “I know you’re disappointed, and you’re allowed to feel that way, but the answer is still no.” ‘The aim isn’t to make children feel less special,’ Kirsty explains. ‘It’s to help them understand that being special to their family doesn’t make them more important than everyone else.’ Model behaviour to your children ‘One of the most useful things I think parents can do is model this themselves,’ Kirsty adds. ‘Let children see you listen to other people, apologise, compromise, wait your turn and respect someone else’s “no”. Those everyday interactions teach children far more about consideration than a lecture ever will.’ Don’t feel guilty for setting boundaries ‘And I don’t think parents should feel guilty about this. Most of us aren’t deliberately raising entitled children. We are parenting in a culture where there is a huge emphasis on making sure children feel heard and have their needs met. ‘And while that’s a positive shift, we need to be mindful that children also need to learn that relationships are reciprocal: their needs matter, but so do everybody else’s. ‘Ultimately, we aren’t raising children to be the centre of everyone’s world. We are raising them to be able to live well in a world that they share with other people.’ Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected] MORE: Fox sneaks into home and attacks sleeping baby in middle of the night MORE: My sister is taking £150 a month from our elderly mum’s account — is it fraud? MORE: Doctors dismissed my baby’s 2kg tumour six times — they said her cancer was constipation