Мастер по кондиционерам рассказывает о странных жильцах: трансгендерном мужчине с курицами и параноидальной даме

#1 He points me to the TV and wanders back to bed. I kneel down and reach behind the TV to unplug the coax but I can't see what I'm doing so my eyes wander around the room. The place is clean and modest. There's a picture stand, about 6 feet tall, that holds about ten 8x11 portraits. Everyone of them is of a hefty guy in flamboyant drag. Huh, look at that. So I go outside and finish my work. I come back in and drag guy is standing in the kitchen in a pink robe done up as a woman who just woke up. He shaved. He put makeup on. He drew bags under his eyes. His wig is tussled to look like bed head. He speaks in a falsetto. He brings me a cup of coffee and I explain that squirrels chewed their cable line. I address him as "Ma'am" which delights him. Everything's cool. Then a chicken walks out of the back room. The chicken is wearing a red baseball jersey and red baseball cap. Then another chicken appears in a pink dress. And another one in a brown sweater. They walk over to drag guy and he casually pets one as he's talking to me. The princess chicken craps on his floor and he cleans it up with a paper towel. No big deal. Just a very friendly likeable guy who is very serious about dressing as a woman and his costumed poultry. #2 After looking around the rest of the house and not seeing anyone I asked her who needs to get out of her house? While pointing at the empty couch she replied "these mothef**kers right here." I caught on that she was mentally ill. I then ordered the non-existent "mothef**kers" to leave the lady's house. She was thankful. #3 The lady was nice as hell. But she owned aloooot of pythons. Aloot of free range pythons. Alot of leg cuddling free range pythons. When most of us go to work in the morning, we head to an office building, a store, a restaurant, or some other place of business. If you’re lucky, you might even get to work from home. But a world that most of us are unfamiliar with is the kind of job that requires stepping into a stranger’s home. You probably haven’t even had all of your friends over to your house, but when the toilet needs fixing, you’ve gotta invite a plumber in. The thing about having a stranger in your home, though, is that the homeowner tends to think they’re the one who should be worried. What if the worker tries to steal something? Is it really safe to have a random man here working when I live alone? However, from these stories, we can see that sometimes it’s the service worker who needs to be concerned. After all, they’re stepping into a stranger’s house, so they don’t really have much power in the situation. #4 We're working on an older house downtown, these historic houses have a sewage line that curves up before reaching the city piping. If you're not careful they can clog. So we flush the line and out comes an endless stream of tied off c**doms. The middle aged gentleman I'm helping seems to have a confused look on his face. "C**doms? That's impossible, my wife died 5 years ago and my daughter is only---" at that point the sudden look of realization on his face was priceless. He started swearing and took off in a d**d sprint for his house where his 17 year old daughter and boyfriend were waiting. #5 One afternoon two of us get sent out to this lady's house to collect information on her rare Mercedes convertible. When we arrive she invites us in and tells us that the car is in the garage. She is leading us through the house towards the garage and as we walk through a room there is a guy standing in the corner of the room wearing only a jock strap and he has a ball gag in his mouth. As if it is a normal situation she just says, "That's Dave, never mind him. He won't bother you." #6 I delivered pizza for about five years during and after college. A few deliveries stick out in my mind, but one haunts me. I delivered a pizza once to this somewhat secluded house. I worked in a large suburban town, but a lot of those will have secluded pockets right in the middle of them. The house was down a narrow road, and the house was surrounded by large trees, so it looked like it was in a forest. The house looked nice, well-kept, comfortable. I knock on the door and this little girl answers. Probably 7 years old or so. Sweetest little kid. I see a younger sister behind her, just smiling. Their dad comes to the door and pleasantly pays for the pizza. The kids are clearly excited to be getting a pizza, so I leave this happy little domestic scene and return to the pizza place with a nice feeling. That's not the haunting part. About two weeks later there is a picture of the house on the front page of the paper. Couldn't mistake it. The father had taped up the doors and windows, blew out the pilot light on the stove, and had gassed them all. I don't remember the details -- I think his wife had died, or left him -- but he k****d himself and those perfect little girls. It's been thirty years and it still gets to me sometimes. When it comes to staying safe while visiting clients’ homes, Transnation Tile Agency recommends always keeping personal information private. You don’t even have to use your real first name if you don’t want to. Make sure that you also keep someone informed about your plans and travels at all times, so they’ll notice if you are with the client longer than you were supposed to be. When you arrive at a client’s home, park in such a way that you’ll be able to exit easily. And make sure that you always have a charged cell phone on you. Conduct all of your appointments during normal business hours, and come prepared with apps that allow you to discreetly and quickly call for help if necessary. This may sound extreme, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. #7 #8 I used to be a plumber for a short while and the company had a big job changing radiators in council housing. So I saw a lot of weird stuff, bad smells, disgusting people. But the worst was in a relatively nice house. Clean with a happy looking family. I noticed a front page clipping of a newspaper framed on the wall. Turns out the owner of the house one-punched a guy to d***h. The guy was the cousin of a famous footballer so it was sort of big news. I can't remember the exact details but because it was only one punch the d***h was not considered m****r outright. So yeah, the guy k****d someone and is proud enough about it to frame it for his young daughters to see. He probably still smiles about it. What a c**t. #9 Are you enjoying your scroll through these crazy stories from clients’ homes, pandas? Keep upvoting the ones that shock you, and let us know in the comments below if you’ve ever experienced anything similar while on the clock. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another article from Bored Panda discussing similarly wild stories from work, we recommend reading this one next! #10 #11 #12 A little more than a year ago they sold the former embassy. In the basement we found 6 premature baby incubators that had been donated but never shipped back to Malawi. I wondered how many children died while the government sat on donated aide and properties they were letting depreciate in value. #13 #14 #15 For clarity ; the house belonged to a dominatrix . I wasn’t shocked by what I saw , but I wasn’t expecting it either. #16 Did a plumbing repair in some gay guys bathroom, and there was a floor to ceiling portrait of some naked guy right across from the toilet. Needless to say, uncomfortable. There is this lady who I still do jobs for occasionally. She takes 15 minutes to tell me the problem, then instantly bursts into tears. I mean this lady cries at least 5 times while I am there. Needless to say, uncomfortable. I can't even tell you how many "hoarder" houses I have been in over the last 24 years. One house, this lady had stuff stacked up everywhere. It wasn't smelly or anything, just stacks and stacks of stuff. There were little paths to get to the different rooms. I know she was embarrassed about it. She said to me, "I bet this is the messiest house you've ever been in," to which I replied, "No...but its right up there!" But without a doubt, the craziest thing ever was about 15 years ago. I had to install an a/c at a house where a schizophrenic lady lived. Her father, the owner of the house, was a great guy, a regular customer. I had been to his daughters house a few times, and for some reason, she was ok with me. Her father had told me ahead of time how to act, what to not say, etc. So, I got along fine with her. Well, we had a new guy on that job, and he was just out of refrigeration school. He was wearing his uniform he got from the school, as his work issued ones hadn't arrived yet. It had some kind of patch on the shoulder, like a cross. Also, this guy was tall, like 6'2, and had a shaved head. We get to the job, I go in first to she how she is first, and she seems normal. So I bring the new guy in, to introduce him to her, to make sure she will be ok with him. The second she laid eyes on him, she turned into some kind of evil demon. "N**I N**I N**I!" she starts screaming, I mean at the TOP of her lungs. The new guy is frozen in fear. I am standing between him and her. She starts grabbing things, books, knickknacks, anything she can, and is hurling them at the new guy, all the while screaming stuff about N*zis and Jew K**lers and she's not going to d*e today....I told the new guy to run. Somehow I managed to calm her down. I called her father. He had to take her somewhere else for a couple days while we did the job. It really surprised me because I mean me and her would have normal conversations all the other times I was there, but I guess she just snapped when she saw the new guy. #17 Ever see hoarders? got a patient that her house is so bad that she has to leave so my driver can deliver her oxygen tank. It literally has enough room in it for her, her dog, and her oxygen. That's it. G*ns g*ns everywhere. Some people like to leave g*ns out, apparently in an effort to either "scare" me, or to make them feel more secure for having a stranger in their house. I've done machine setups while surrounded by handg*ns. M**h labs! Went into a house that was filled with a smell that I can only describe as "burning mothballs". was informed that this is a smell associated with making m**h. D**d people! Went to a house for an appointment with a patient. i could see her sitting in her chair, but couldn't get her to answer the door no matter what. Dogs inside going nuts, calling her phone, nothing. Checked the handle, it was open. Opened it a hair, yelled her name as loud as I could, nothing. Called the cops, and yep, died in her chair. She was a sweet lady too. Had a particular patient who wasn't that bright. They had a commode (bedside toilet). The bucket for the commode broke. While waiting for a new one, they just pulled the bucket out, and proceeded to s**t and p**s all over the floor. Can't think of anything else at the moment, but pretty much, you name it, I've seen it. #18 Honorable mention to the couple that I just worked for, younger black lady with an older white guy. ‘Don’t mind the mirror on the ceiling. I appreciate your discretion with that’ she said. ‘We all have our ‘things’’. My worst one though, I was hired to install a few bifold doors in a home. I was greeted for an early 20s Filipino boy. But he wasn’t the homeowner. He was quite flamboyant and showed me where the bifold doors were to install. I ignored his appearance and got to work. Shortly after I started, the homeowner woke up. He proceeded to pull up a lawn chair (inside a pretty nice home) I assume so he can get extra close to me. He was completely naked except for very skimpy red underwear. I 100% avoided eye contact and ignored him. Not out of fear, but because it was pretty clear what he was trying to do. He was completely ‘manspreading’ watching me. Sipping a margarita and smoking a cigarette… at 9AM. After about 45 minutes I was wrapping up that set up bifold doors and he goes ‘I’ve been sitting here for the last 30 minutes and you don’t say A WORD! Aren’t you wondering why a man is sitting here practically naked watching you work?’ I go ‘oh sorry, didn’t even realize you were there’. He hated that lol. He said ‘what would you say to me if I wanted to SUCK… YOUR… D**K…’. I said ‘I would say ‘no thanks’.’ And just walked away. His boy toy heard this interaction and had a word with him. He didn’t say anything else to me, but continued to follow me around the rest of the morning while I finished my work. Halfway through finishing I realized my Gatorade went missing, only to reappear right where I left it. They said SPECIFICALLY ‘are you going to drink your Gatorade?’ I said ‘uh… no thanks. I lost track of it a while back and not sure if one of you drank from it’. They continued to ask me to stay and drink margaritas and smoke, but I just collected my check and left. Turns out the dude was a retired cop so he definitely had weapons and restraints in the house. I just took my money to the bank and never heard from him again. #19 #20 There was the elderly, blind pensioner who liked to listen to soap operas, so instead of picking up a second-hand Goodwill TV he went out and bought himself a high-end 72' inch television set: This was back when they were still cathode-ray-tubes and weighed about 600 pounds; we had to remove his double patio-doors to get the behemoth into the apartment and then it took up one entire end of his living room. The kicker was he just used an antenna to pick up local channels, but since he obviously couldn't see how to tune it, the screen was always *completely out of focus*: Just 72 inches of fuzziness and blur. And in the same vein as some of the other stories in this thread: There was the apartment where I needed to go repair flush-valve on the toilet. I knew the tenant, perfectly nice woman. So, I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, myself or the lady of the house, when she escorted me to the bathroom and we both noticed at the exact same time that there was still a purple d***o suction-cupped to the top edge of the bathtub like some obscene latex monolith. After that she invited me to Christmas dinner. I declined, and I've never been able to figure out if those two incidents were related. And then there was the time I went out during the middle of the day to a unit occupied by a married couple: My visit obviously surprised the wife, but she never objected to me being there (it was always an option to ask me to come back at a better time). I'm still not sure what she thought was going to transpire when I told her I was going to replace the broken clothes-hanger in the bedroom closet, but needless to say, when I opened the closet door and discovered that was the spot where her boyfriend had chosen to try and hide, we were all started enough to scream. Given that I was suddenly face-to-face with a yelling naked man, I think my scream was the most justified. It was an interesting job: I would collect the shell casings that I found on the ground when doing my rounds. I lined them up next to each other, telling myself that when they filled the edge of my desk, I was quitting. Well, that happened in about the first month. I stayed for another 11 after that.