Сексологи объяснили суть и пользу практики «руководимой мастурбации»

If the phrase “guided masturbation” makes you picture someone giving you turn-by-turn directions to your own orgasm, well, you’re not entirely wrong. But before you start imagining a disembodied voice ordering you to touch your clit or give yourself a nipplegasm, know that there’s a whole lot more to it than that. Depending on the kind of guided masturbation you try, you might be led through breathwork, visualization, different ways of touching your body, edging, or simply slowing the hell down and actually noticing what feels good. And that last part can be surprisingly useful if your usual masturbation routine is less “sensual journey of self-discovery” and more “I have seven minutes before I need to shower.” “It can help strengthen your sexual mindfulness and sexual self-esteem because you learn to slow down, feel all the sensations, and connect with your breath,” says certified sexologist Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, sex expert and author of How Do You Like It?: A Guide for Getting What You Want in Bed. So, how exactly does guided masturbation work—and do you need someone literally telling you what to do? Ahead, experts break down the different ways to try it, why you might want to, and how to find a guide that actually turns you on. What Is Guided Masturbation? Guided masturbation is a form of self-pleasure where some kind of guide leads you through the experience. Most commonly, that means listening to recorded or live audio, but guidance can also incorporate visual content or other interactive elements. “It helps cut down on anxious thoughts and directs your focus to the pleasure,” says Mindy DeSeta, PhD, sexologist and sexuality educator at Hily. And there isn’t just one way to do it. Some guided masturbation sessions focus on mindfulness techniques like breathwork, body scans, or visualization, while others might walk you through different ways of touching your body, controlling your arousal, or edging. There are also more explicitly erotic versions that function a little more like dirty talk, with someone telling you what to do as you masturbate. Basically, guided masturbation can be as instructional, mindful, or downright horny as you want it to be. The common denominator is that instead of completely freestyling your solo session, you have some form of guidance helping you along the way. What Are the Benefits of Guided Masturbation? If your brain has a habit of wandering everywhere except what’s happening in your body during sex, guided masturbation may help give it somewhere to focus. DeSeta says following a guide can help quiet distracting or anxious thoughts, reduce some of the pressure around pleasure, and make it easier to stay present in your body. It can also help you figure out more about what you actually like. Depending on the guide, you might be encouraged to slow down, touch parts of your body you normally ignore, experiment with different sensations, or notice how your arousal changes as you go. Dr. Tara points to pleasure mapping—touching different areas of your body and paying attention to what feels good—as one technique that can help you explore. And speaking of exploring: Guided masturbation can also just be a fun way to switch things up. If you tend to masturbate the same way every time because you already know it works (valid), having someone walk you through something different can introduce you to techniques, fantasies, or sensations you might not have thought to try on your own. As Dr. Tara puts it, guided masturbation can be “sensual and slow,” but it can also simply be “fun and exciting depending on which guide you’re using.” How to Try Guided Masturbation Ready to give guided masturbation a go? There’s no single right way to do it, and finding what works for you may take a little experimenting. “Tone, pace, and content all matter when it comes to vulnerable moments,” says DeSeta, so don’t assume that because one guide makes you want to rip your headphones off, guided masturbation isn’t for you. It might also feel a little awkward at first, especially if it’s very different from the way you normally masturbate. Give yourself some time to settle into the experience, and remember that the goal isn’t to follow every instruction perfectly or race to an orgasm. Here’s how to get started: Find a Guide That Feels Right for You Finding a guided masturbation session you actually like may take some trial and error. Some guides are soft, slow, and mindfulness-focused, while others lean much more explicit. And the seemingly small stuff matters: The voice, tone, pace, language, and kinds of activities involved can all determine whether you’re into it or suddenly very aware that a stranger is talking into your headphones. As for where to find guided masturbation, DeSeta recommends exploring apps like Quinn, Dipsea, Sssh.com, and Kama, as well as searching Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, and Instagram. Since the content can vary wildly depending on where you look, take some time to poke around and figure out what kind of guidance actually appeals to you. And for your first time, both DeSeta and Dr. Tara recommend listening to the guide beforehand, while you’re decidedly not masturbating. That way, you can make sure you’re comfortable with where the session goes before you’re actually in the middle of it. As DeSeta points out, the last thing you want is to finally relax into the experience only to be hit with an instruction or scenario you’re not into. Give Yourself Time to Get Into It If you’re used to masturbating with one goal in mind—getting off as efficiently as possible—guided masturbation may require a bit of a mindset shift. “Don’t rush to orgasm,” says Dr. Tara. “I know a lot of busy bees out there who rarely spend the time exploring their bodies, and they can just masturbate and cum in two minutes. But this is the slow life approach.” So give yourself enough time that you’re not watching the clock, and don’t panic if following a guide feels a little awkward at first. DeSeta notes that the experience may be very different from your usual go-to, especially if you’re suddenly being asked to slow down, breathe, or pay attention to sensations you’d normally blow right past. Give yourself a chance to settle in before deciding whether it’s for you. Focus on Exploration, Not Orgasm Guided masturbation doesn’t have to end in an orgasm to be worth your time. Instead of treating the guide like a set of instructions you need to complete correctly, try paying attention to what you learn along the way. Maybe a certain type of touch feels better than you expected, changing your breathing affects your arousal, or slowing down makes you notice sensations you normally miss. Dr. Tara recommends approaching guided masturbation with curiosity about how your body responds rather than making orgasm the only measure of whether it “worked.” And if something the guide suggests isn’t doing it for you? You don’t have to force it. The point is to explore your own pleasure, not earn an A+ in masturbation. Can You Try Guided Masturbation With a Partner? Absolutely. Guided masturbation might have “solo” written all over it, but there’s no reason your partner can’t get involved. Dr. Tara suggests trying guided mutual masturbation, where you and your partner follow along with a guide while touching yourselves together. Beyond being hot, trying it together can also give you a new way to learn about each other’s pleasure. DeSeta says following a guide can encourage couples to slow down, explore things they might not normally try, and open up conversations about what they like. Plus, watching how your partner responds to different types of touch or guidance can tell you quite a bit about what they’re into (without either of you having to magically read the other person’s mind). Are There Any Downsides to Guided Masturbation? Guided masturbation isn’t going to be everyone’s thing. You might find someone talking in your ear more distracting than sexy, feel too focused on keeping up with the instructions, or simply prefer figuring out what you want to do as you go. And like pretty much anything sexual, you don’t need to keep doing it just because other people swear by it. It’s also worth paying attention to whether using a guide is helping you become more curious about your own pleasure or making it harder to access without outside input. Kimberly Ann Johnson, a sexological bodyworker and somatic sex educator, cautions against letting guided masturbation become an entirely passive or habitual experience. Instead, she suggests checking in with yourself afterward: Do you feel more connected to yourself and what you want, or less? That doesn’t mean you need to turn every masturbation session into a post-game analysis. Guided masturbation can simply be something fun and different to try when you’re in the mood for it. And if you learn a new way to touch yourself, discover a fantasy you’re into, or just have a really good orgasm along the way? Sounds pretty successful to me.