В Канаде женщина, пережившая аварию, унесшую жизнь отца, стала профессиональным помощником в вопросах ухода за умирающими

In 2006, Rebecca Orr survived a crash that killed her father. What followed was something she didn’t see coming. Years of grief and confusion about how to process his death.  “It took us off guard,” she says. “None of us had faced significant death before. There were many difficult years.” That collision set her on a path that would eventually become her life’s work. Today, the 56-year-old is a full-time end-of-life doula in Caledonia, who works with people in Niagara, Hamilton and Haldimand/Norfolk through her company, Liminality End-of-Life Doula Services. ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW For her, the work is guided by one simple belief: “death is a part of life.”  What an end-of-life doula does “One distinction I am very careful about with marketing is that we don’t ‘help people die,’” Orr says. “I support people as they go through the death process.” Orr provides support and guidance for all stages of the death and grieving process. Her services are grouped into three distinct phases: before, during and after.  Clients may work with her through all three stages or join for one or two, depending on their needs. Before is for planning ahead, including advanced care directives concerning hospital care and funeral arrangements. Some of these clients are in their 30s. During is the stage where most clients join, typically about age 60-plus. This usually follows a diagnosis or steep decline in health. Orr provides emotional support, drawing on her training as a personal support worker to provide practical support. Advanced care directives can also be discussed at this stage. After is bereavement support for families grieving the loss of a loved one. Her experience in the funeral sector allows her to explain the logistics and steps families need to take. Orr is not a licensed funeral director or lawyer, but her background can help families as they navigate interactions with funeral homes and deal with estate work. ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW “Most funeral homes do a good job explaining what they think families need, but in the moment, it may be difficult to process everything,” Orr says. “Their role and time with a family are different. I can spend more time with individuals and families and continue providing bereavement support long after the funeral homes role is done.” Orr can also serve as a celebrant, or speaker, for funerals — speaking on the family’s behalf or assuming an MC role.  Doula services are not covered by public health care and doulas are also not governed by a regulatory body. Orr always recommends a thorough vetting process and stresses that any would-be clients should ask about experience and training.  “Interview me as much as I interview you to make sure the fit is right.” A calling born from loss The journey began in 2011, when Orr completed end-of-life doula training and her counselling certification. She began working as a part-time doula in 2011, then completed her personal support worker certification in 2014. For the next 10 years, she worked as a PSW in palliative care, particularly with hospices. Orr also worked as a cremation provider and in the transfer and removal sector — a third-party service that picks up the deceased and transports them to funeral homes or the coroner’s office.  ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW “I loved that work, but it was 24-7 on call, so it got a little hard to manage,” she says. During this period, Orr was also living with and caring for her mother. In 2023, her mom died, surrounded by family. Through that experience, the family also healed more of the grief from her father’s death. Orr realized the healing was facilitated by openly talking about death and dying. “The work started because of Dad’s death continues because of Mom’s death.”  Client experience Susan Akimoto, 81, is what Orr calls a “dream client.” Akimoto has no major health issues or mental decline, but wanted to get everything in order and save her two daughters as much as stress as possible. When Akimoto’s parents and husband died, there was “so much stuff to clear up, so much to do.” She has been a widow for 24 years, and has since dealt with the loss of her brother in 2021. She now has “no qualms about discussing things like death and long-term illness.” ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW Akimoto met Orr at a business expo two years ago. At the time, she had never heard of an end-of-life doula. Since starting her work with Orr, Akimoto organized and prepaid for her cremation. She has also discussed her advanced care directives with her daughters. “It’s so much easier to make the decision to pull the plug if the person who can’t speak for themselves made those decisions clearer ahead of time.” Akimoto also discovered that she didn’t have an official copy of her will and power of attorney documents, since her lawyer “disappeared.” Being visually impaired, Akimoto also found the entire process much quicker with Orr by her side guiding her through paperwork. Building the future As Orr’s business expands, she wants to work with more clients during the before stage. Orr stresses “the younger, the better.”  She is also working on what she calls a “passion project,” known as “The Binder: Plan Now. Die Later.” ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW It is designed as a one-stop shop for all information and logistics concerning advanced care planning, including a breakdown of all necessary documents and the steps family members need to take after death — such as having all of the client’s online passwords, since “identity theft in death exists.” Orr intends for the binder to be flexible. Individuals can use it on their own, in a workshop setting or with direct support from Orr. Its contents will be individualized based on each person’s values and wishes.  Speaking of planning, Orr is also thinking ahead to a succession plan. She hopes to retire in 10 to 15 years and is building a network of like-minded doulas — ideally younger practitioners — who can assist with the business. She has been an end-of-life doula for 15 years, with Sept. 1 marking the anniversary of her start. For most of that time, it was a part-time pursuit, but it has been a full-time endeavour for the past two years.  Orr made the plunge to full-time after a funeral business she was working with went out of business. “With that frustration, I just thought about the fact that this might the best opportunity … instead of putting so much time and energy into somebody else’s own startup that I could just really focus more intentionally on my own.” She is also a member of Caledonia Regional Chamber of Commerce and the Haldimand Family Health Team board. She moved to Caledonia three years ago from Dundas.