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'You're not to think you're anything special': Why Swedes hate standing out Swedes prize equality, dislike boasting and are famously reluctant to stand out – yet they're also fiercely individualistic and know how to celebrate. The century-old idea of Jantelagen helps explain these contradictions, and offers visitors a fascinating key to decoding Swedish culture. As an utlandssvensk – a Swede who grew up abroad – I've always been fascinated by the unwritten rules that shape Swedish social life. I once got to chatting with a fellow Swede at a party. It was 4 July, and we discussed why our country didn't celebrate its national day as fervently as Americans. No fireworks, no parades – how come? "Well, it would be fairly embarrassing wouldn't it?" she said. "All that self-celebration. It's a bit over-the-top," she added, lowering her voice, as if there was an American hovering inches away from our table. As she explained, setting off fireworks for your nation (and therefore yourself) smacks of back-patting and ostentatiousness – two things that are anathema to much of Scandinavia. When I complimented my companion on how well she'd outlined the issue, she looked askance and waved my praise away like a bad smell. "No, please. That's just my little opinion, of course." A modest code of conduct To understand this aversion to basking in even the smallest of spotlights, many Swedes point to Jantelagen, or the Law of Jante: an unwritten social code embedded across Scandinavia that prizes humility, equality and not placing yourself above others. The term comes from Danish-Norwegian author Aksel Sandemose's satirical 1933 novel A Fugitive Crosses His Tracks, set in the fictional town of Jante. Sandemose used Jante to skewer the conformism of small-town Scandinavian life, laying out 10 "laws" designed to put anyone who considered themselves exceptional firmly back in their place. Rules such as "you're not to think you're anything special" and "you're not to think you're smarter than [anyone else]" leave the reader with a deliberately bruised ego – and that's the point. Swedish actor Alexander Skarsgård even highlighted Jantelagen on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert as the reason he hides his acting awards, to avoid being seen as boastful. Nearly a century on, Sandemose's laws remain memorable and highly quotable, helping Jantelagen endure as cultural shorthand. How to connect with Swedes Be proactive: Small talk with strangers isn't the norm, so don't mistake reserve for unfriendliness. "Swedes tend to be very loyal and trustworthy once a friendship is established," says Gossner. "I often advise newcomers to take the initiative. Don't wait for Swedes to come to you, as they appreciate when others make the first move." Suggest fika: The Swedish ritual of cake and coffee offers a low-pressure way to socialise. Meet over coffee and a modest but delicious kanelbulle (cinnamon bun) rather than trying to force conversation in the street. Be punctual: Swedes place a high value on being on time, particularly when you're invited to someone's home. Stefan Dahlberg, a professor of political science at Mid Sweden University, has written a paper on Jantelagen's modern legacy. He sees the rules less as firm laws governing Swedish behaviour. Instead, he explains, "they are better understood as a cultural shorthand for a set of familiar norms […] that you can recognise in everyday Swedish interaction. Status differences tend to be played down, social relations are relatively informal and conspicuous self-promotion can be viewed negatively." Visitors to Sweden will likely see this in action when chatting to locals. Compliment a Swede on their English, for example, and they may quickly play it down – switching to Swedish and muttering, "Äsch, det är ju inte flytande…" (Shucks, it's not like it's fluent…). Sandemose would be proud. The qualities can also be seen in everyday Swedish rituals, from Fredagsmys – unpretentious "cosy Fridays" with friends or family – to Lördagsgodis ("Saturday-candy") that's practiced by parents as the one day that kids can unleash their sweet tooth after a week of modest abstention. That doesn't mean that Jantelagen functions as a literal rulebook – or identically across Scandinavia. Dahlberg's study of Jantelagen in Norway, a geographical and cultural neighbour, found the average respondent tended to disagree with the Jante statements. After all, Dahlberg explains, Sandemose invented the list as a scathing takedown of conformity. "So there are really two things mixed together in the concept: an egalitarian idea that nobody is inherently better than anyone else, and a more negative pressure not to distinguish yourself too much." Jante's mirror image Jantelagen has another, less obvious side. In a culture where seeking the limelight is usually frowned upon, Swedish reserve can disappear at parties when a tradition of snappsvisor (increasingly risqué songs belted out while drinking heroic amounts of aquavit) and performative speeches create safe social spaces to open up. So, while Jantelagen is often used as a reasoning for Swedish reserve and diffidence, it can also reveal the inverse. More like this: As Dahlberg notes, "'Don't think you are better than anyone else' can be read in the opposite direction: don't assume that somebody is better than you simply because they are richer, more successful or have a more prestigious title." With so much bubbling under the surface, Sweden can feel deceptively complex. Luckily, there are classes designed to help mystified foreigners. Yvonne Gossner runs Learn Swedish Culture AB – and business is booming. "I realised there was a big demand for practical insights into Swedish culture, especially for foreigners trying to navigate life here," she says. "Many felt lost or misunderstood in everyday settings, or even when trying to make Swedish friends." Case in point: a South American client once arrived at a Swedish woman's party an hour late, carrying a big dish of food as a surprise. The hostess "was not pleased" as the guests had already eaten, and the immodestly large, late-coming dish was left untouched in a bedroom. Swedes, Gossner says, place a high value on punctuality and politeness; if you're invited to a Swede's house, she suggests sending a post-party message of thanks. "There is even a Swedish joke: 'Don't forget to send a thank-you note for the thank-you note'," she adds. An unasked-for dish can risk looking like a statement that "my food is better than yours", while failing to acknowledge someone's politeness can jar the sense of social balance. Cracking the Swedish ice Lola Akinmade Åkerström, a Nigerian-American author, travel writer and photographer who moved to Sweden more than 15 years ago, was initially "a bit floored by the unspoken ethos" of Jantelagen, as well as the contradictory layers of national character. "Sweden is the most open society, run by the most private people," she says. If you want to deeply discomfit a Swede, she advises, just make eye contact on a quiet train, and hit them with "Hi! How you doing?" Yet they're not being cold, just respectful of the idea that no one should impose themselves on a stranger's space. That preference for understatement extends beyond social interactions. Travel through the countryside and you can see it reflected in the nation's beloved summer houses. "I think Swedes hold the world record in the number of summer houses per capita – around half the population has access to one," says Orvar Löfgren, professor emeritus of ethnology at Lund University. Yet these are rarely flashy second homes; instead, they reflect rustic, rural values, even among wealthy owners. (Don't think your cabin is better than other cabins, Sandemose might say.) While in Sweden, visitors might also notice small Swedish flags on birthday cakes, supermarket products and during student celebrations. "Swedes who love to see themselves as non-nationalistic are actually good at waving the flag," says Löfgren. And despite their quiet reputation, "Swedes are great at celebrating," he adds. Christmas, Easter, Midsummer, birthdays, and student exams are celebrated "with more intensity than in most European countries". You could say these occasions showcase Swedes at their best – not that they'd put it so boastfully, of course. -- If you liked this story, sign up for The Essential List newsletter – a handpicked selection of features, videos and can't-miss news, delivered to your inbox twice a week.